28 February 2014

Suddenly Feel So Fucking Fed Up

So many things ran through my head just now, if you have been following my blog these few days, you would know I'm currently looking to buy a resale flat with my wife i.e. move out of my parents house. So the first instance my mother knows about it, first thing she said to me was even if I move out, I still have to continue to give her some allowance, I kept quiet, my father was right behind her, he just smiled a little and waved his hand downwards, as if telling me not to mind my mother.

To be honest, I don't mind giving both of them allowance if it is within my limits, regardless of whether I am staying with them or not, which children don't want their parents to be able to live comfortably? But I just find it very unfair, look at my sister, when she was staying with my parents i.e. her, her husband and two young children, also to mention me, my wife, my father and mother, total of 8 person squeezing in a 3-room HDB flat, that time she only gave my mom $350 per month, I also gave the same amount, I know they have two young children so I didn't complain.

After they moved out to their own 3-room BTO flat, they stopped giving any allowance, so what happened? My mom told me to give her more, from $350 to $500, I didn't argue with her, I just quietly agreed since she pays for the groceries and does the cooking on weekdays and some cleaning, but weekend groceries and cooking is done by my wife, my wife also does most of the cleaning in the house, actually the arrangement never changed, only the amount that I have to give increased, but well, I look at it as one way to prevent conflict, if that extra $150 can keep my mom quiet, so be it. Anyway she pays for the utilities bill, conservancy charges and etc, I pay for the internet and cable TV, everyone in my family uses the internet, only my father watches the cable, I even subscribe a premium channel for him, and of course it's free for him. I pay for the aircon cleaning, I pay for anything when we do go out together but that is extremely rare, I can't stand going out with my mother, she will always say something to piss me off, even my wife cannot stand her trash talk.

So it has been almost two years after they moved out, they still come back for dinners frequently, they even stay over the weekend, that really puzzled me, they have their own home, why the heck would they want to stay here? It's not like their home is hours away, one journey probably takes no more than 45 minutes if they take the bus, how far is that? By the way they don't pay for anything when they dine here, my mom pays for everything, and where did the money come from? Me and my father. My father gives her allowance every month, I have no idea how much he gives though, in case you are wondering, she is not working. After eating, they even bring home, usually I will feel rushed to eat finish fast so they can bring home, especially when they eat first, they will eat and chat for hours, by the time me and wife eat it's 9PM+, my father knows I'm pissed off but I don't flare up, I usually keep it inside to avoid conflict, so nowadays he always asks me and wife to eat first, my parents also asked them to bring a lot of stuff home, they don't ask whether me or my wife want it or not, like during CNY, my father had a hamper given by his friends, nobody asked whether I want anything or not, they just gave everything to my sister.

Now you should have a good idea why I feel so fed up, my sister paid lesser than me when she was staying with us, now that she is not staying with us, she doesn't give my mom any allowance and my mom seems to have no complain, for my case, if I move out, she actually expects me to give her allowance? My sister has her own HDB flat, she has two children aged 6 and 7, what about me? I have nothing, no house no children yet, don't I need to save for it? And yet her expectations of me are higher, I don't get it. By the way my father has fully paid off his 3-room flat, according to my mother, they intend to leave me the flat, actually I don't need it, I thought they should keep it for their retirement, give me for what, not as if I can't afford my own place, and I have already made known to them my opinion, I even told them to rent out my room should we move out, they don't even have to sell it, it's their retirement nest, I remember last time my sister told them to sell their flat to buy one unit with them, luckily my mother didn't agree, I wonder what my sister is thinking, how can she even suggest that.

Sometimes I really feel angry with my mother, she always like to talk nonsense, even go as far as compare me with my brother-in-law and sister, he's earning more money than me, managerial position and etc, I don't really care, it only makes me furious, if he is so capable, why the heck would he need to dine here for free? Stay here for free? Dine here and then bring home? I kept quiet the first few times she told me those rubbish but recently my temper got worse and I lashed out at my mom, I told her straight in her face that if he is so capable, he wouldn't need to dine here for free and got himself into a mountain of debts, she kept quiet, nowadays she tries to avoid saying something wrong again, she knows I am very sensitive with her rubbish talk, I also can't be bothered to try to talk nice anymore. Oh by the way my sister is claiming parent relief for income tax when she isn't even giving them any allowance, fucking awesome right, but I kept quiet, my parents don't know about it, yeah yeah because I know they have two young children, I'm such a nice guy right, so fucking stupid.

Sigh fuck this shit, I just hope to get my own flat ASAP and get the hell out of here, I don't really want to see them anymore, life doesn't have to be so stressful, I'm holding a lot of unhappiness inside me by staying with my parents, you may see a wall of text here but I haven't finished, there's just so many other things that I'm unhappy about and can't do anything about, the only way out is get my own flat and get out, to all you people out there, try to get your own place if possible, there's a Chinese saying that goes something like it's easy to meet but not easy to stay together, it's very true, when people live together, there's bound to be friction, somebody has to bear with it in order to avoid conflict and as the person bearing with it, I can tell you it's fucking stressful trying to keep the peace because I know if I lose it, that's it, there will be chaos, so no matter what I must bear with it, sigh... Sibei tulan.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I felt your pain bro!!! Keep cool, something will reward you. If always tulan, everything will go haywire.

I name myself, the tulanboy

marrythaigirlsingapore said...

Hey, thanks for the kinds words, you are right, always tulan indeed not good. Just last week I lost my temper and got into a fight with my brother-in-law, the police came but luckily nothing else happened.

Anonymous said...

Old folks think differently. Perhaps because of the son in law's relative successful facade, she also wanted to maintain face so giving away more generously, hampers etc. Maybe she considers you and wife to be on her team so should support her "face gestures".

marrythaigirlsingapore said...

Yeah, that's what I conclude too, sometimes I just cannot understand what my parents are thinking, by the way she don't like my wife, so how are we supposed to be on her team? Sigh. But I'm glad I have applied for a HDB flat, better to live separately and visit them once in a while.